In a recent Federal Court case, Justice Bennett found that newspaper headlines are not protected under Copyright law. Footy sub-editors must have breathed a collective sigh of relief. A ruling the other way could have rendered a gem like “Power switched on” never to be repeated again – the prospect of being a very sad day for football indeed. Thankfully, common sense prevailed and footy readers can rest assured that the customary Power headlines will continue with uninterrupted transmission next season. And should Collingwood maintain their premiership winning form, we can expect more not-so-original variations on the “Hot Pies” theme to be cooked up.
In handing down her decision, Justice Bennett espoused that headlines are “too trivial to be a literary work”. Too trivial? Whilst her findings should be applauded, her ratio decidendi is ludicrous. It demeans the creative brilliance of sub-editors. Exhibit A, Your Honour: “Goddard Expects Pies in His Face”. Beautifully crafted; conjuring up visions of The Three Stooges chaotically running around in Collingwood jumpers. And if more recent evidence is required, “Old McDonald Back to Farm”. Evocative and tantalising; the customary E-I-E-I-O being left for reader completion.
The addition of a Gold Coast team to the AFL will offer some freshness, some innovation, in newspaper headlines. With the news of the AFL having registered a web address for the yet to be named Gold Coast side, we were presented with “Sun Rises on Gold Coast”. And with the revelation that “The Suns” was on the shortlist of three names, came the headline, “Suns Getting Hotter for Gold Coast”. Once into their recruiting phase it was good to know that “Suns Warm to Bock” and that some of their top line players will get “Funds in the Sun”. And with the prospect of some interest in the delisted Melbourne player, it was noted that “Suns May Take a Shine to Miller”. For those of us under the misapprehension that they wouldn’t actively trade their draft picks – “Gold Coast Suns Won’t Bask in Trade Week”. Headlines of this quality are a mere glimmer of what we can expect to see in 2011; offering jaded readers a new “Ray of Hope”.
Like the fledgling Gold Coast team, a young player on the rise offers immense excitement for sub-editors. Does he have a nickname? Does his name engender some interest in itself? Steele Sidebottom must have had the creative juices flowing immediately. And we weren’t let down – “Man of Steele Feels the Nerves”. We were later reassured with, “Young Pie Shows Nerves of Steele” and that he was “Steeled for the Big One”. His team mate Chris Dawes provided some similar inspiration noting that there was an “Open Dawes Policy” down at Collingwood, that his improvement had been a case of “Evolving Dawes”, and when thinking about the Grand Final we should know that “Dawes Open for Saints Clash”. This season also saw the rise of Jack Riewoldt and Kieran Jack, prompting “Jack Out of the Box” and “Jack of All Trades”. Too trivial to be a literary work – you jest Your Honour!
Club mascots are a safe haven for headline writers. And none offer as much full font fodder as the Western Bulldogs. Their return to form during season 2010 saw the headline, “Bulldogs lost and found”. The Aker soap opera rendered “Akermanis in the doghouse”. After spending more weeks than expected in the VFL it was considered that “Aker’s a Lost Dog.” And after everything that he had to say about Brad Johnson, the retaliation was a case of “Western Bulldogs Skipper Bites Back”. Rodney Eade dismissed the claims of Akermanis in a piece headlined, “Aker Barking Up the Wrong Tree”. And on-field, a good first quarter had, “Bulldogs’ Tails Wagging Early”. When on the wane, it was thought that “Old Dogs Need Some New Tricks”. Naturally, when Daniel Giansiracusa said that he wouldn’t mind being captain, we were presented with, “Make Me Top Dog”. The Western Bulldogs are a sub-editor’s dream. There can be old dogs and young pups, biting and whimpering, on the leash and off the leash, they can limp or they can bound, and their natural tendency is to do a bit of sniffing around. So many options for sub-editors to drool over.
When rummaging through their toolkit, the experienced headline writer will often reach for the alliteration to provide the magic touch. Season 2010 saw a “New Roo to Debut”, the “Extra Ruck Out of Luck”, “Jolly’s Josh Gesture”, “Pies Pull Presti” and “Brown’s Brisbane Beat Bombers”. An admirable assembly of alliterations? Absolutely.
Another tactic frequently exploited is to merge popular cultures; perhaps combining a footy headline with a movie or song title. When looking forward to the first game of the round, clubs will apparently have “Friday On Their Mind”. Before having played a game a headline heralded “Here Come the Suns”. Slipping in a slight variation can be a nice little trick too, like “When Harry Met Stevie” or “The Calm Life of Brian” focusing on Brian Lake. And one for our older viewers had “Hale On Pace For Recall”.
Of course, when footy’s the subject matter there’s always room for a healthy dose of schoolboy humour. It’s hard to go past “Collingwood Confirm Dick Surgery”. And one wonders when the “AFL Probes Fevola” exactly what they’ll find.
Justice Bennett’s finding, whilst a decision that is ultimately good-for-football, fails to see the creative genius that is required to keep coming up with these gems. So, if the Court pleases Your Honour, I say, “Judge’s Jibe Generates Genuine Jeering”.
Here’s one for each club from season 2010 :-
Adelaide: Birdman Permanently Grounded
Brisbane: AFL Cat-astrophe Looms for Lions
Carlton: Blue Walker on the March
Collingwood: Vain Dane Finds Brain
Essendon: Hird Drops Coach Bombers-shell
Fremantle: Dockers Can Plug Holes
Geelong: Five Struggle-Ling
Hawthorn: All Hale Hawks’ Big Trade Coup
Melbourne: Old McDonald Back to Farm
North Melbourne: Kangaroos Caught in Hale Storm
Port Adelaide: Warren to Tred a Different Path
Richmond: Jack the Ace in the Pack
StKilda: One Gram Vital to Heavyweight
Sydney: Longmire Takes the Reins
West Coast: Eagles Eye Daniel Wells
Western Bulldogs: Picken Apart
….. and not to forget the much-maligned men in white: Razor Ray makes cut for first GF
The Odd Bounce of the Sherrin 